Yalnız Gezeni*n Düşleri*

"And you have came to the world. There is no cure for that."  It takes quite a lot of time to remember the past within oneself, but I guess it is more possible in the transition states of mind. When we are happy, we are too greedy to remember devastating moments of our lives and our ways to survive those times. And when we are too sad, we only remember the bad moments as if they are the only things that define us, forgetting how we got out of those times in the first place. But life, most of the time, is a circle of remembering and forgetting, with all the rings are tied together to make a bigger circle, and hopefully a meaning. Of course, whatever we are through doesn't mean anything unless we try to understand something from it. Today there was the World Cup match of Belgium. And after they have been defeated by two goals in the second half, I was a bit of sad that my second home to my 18 year old self, was going away from the floor. But then, in the last m

I have cried. I have cried my lungs out. I have heard myself sobbing, looked at myself in the mirror just to see how I look like when I am that sad. When I feel there is no way out, there is literally no thought that can carry me somewhere.  I just have to sit there, think of all the mistakes I have done, all the "could have been"s and all the opportunies I accidentaly or purposely missed. There it is, I am victimizing myself. The world is sure not fair. But it is much less fair to me if you ask it to me. I cant explain why I feel like that, maybe it has to do with some psychological issues- most probably. I am just afraid it is gonna be difficult to change the template I have obtained in years of experience. What is "years" anyway, sometimes I feel like I havent seen anything yet. I feel that this is just the very beginning. All I have been through was a sweet little enterance, supported by some small tragedies and some joyful moments. And I keep remembering th

"Something has left my life, And I don´t know where it went to ah ah ah  Somebody caused me strife, And it was not what I was seeking" Cocuklugunuza, ilk gencliginize ait anlari dusunun. Hayatinizin onemli anlarini sekillendiren kokular, sesler ve insanlari soyle bir hatirlayin.  Bir pazar ogleden sonrasi mesela, anneniz mutfakta soganlarla bir seyler pisiriyor. Ne yaptigi onemli degil, siz sadece kavrulan soganlarin cikardigi kokuyu animsiyorsunuz. Ertesi gun okula gidecek olmanin diyaframinizin tam ust bolgesinde yarattigi endiseyi bastiran bir koku.  Arka odada abiniz bilgisayarinda muzik dinliyor. Farkli baharatlarin karisimi gibi gelen bir ses duyuyorsunuz. Ne soyledigini anlamaniz o zamanlarda mumkun degil ama müzigin tinisina kaptiriyorsunuz kendinizi. Günlerden pazar. Huzur ve endise kol kola gezinen iki arkadas. Bilgisayarda The Cranberries caliyor. Bir kere kaziyorsunuz bunu akliniza, ve iste tamam. Sizi ergenlik sancilarinizdan kurtaracak,