Verdoofd Gevoel.

In welke taal kan ik mij het best uitleggen? Is het belangrijk om iets te beleven voor te schrijven beter in deze taal? Ik weet niet het antwoord. Wat ik allemaal gebleven had in "deze" taal, om mijzelf te kennen en in een andere kultuur proberen te leven.

Ja, het lukte wel.
Ik was thuis na een jaar, en ik had zo'n lange tijd om in het "echt" terug te zijn. Niet gewoon met mijn lichaam, maar wel met mijn hoofd. Na 3 a 4 maanden, was ik in het echt, thuis. En dan alles begin om het terug te gaan. Ik moest mijzelf ordnen, ik moest mijzelf terug finden.
Ah ja, dat lukte ook.

Maar, deze zomer, moest ik iets verloren.Ik moest anders iets bij nehmen, in de plaats wat alles begon.Ik kan niks herinneren, maar iets verandert, en als iets verandert, dan ik moet iets bijhebben of ik moet iets verloren.Dat is dan het logica.

Het leven is moelijk. Ik wist het. Maar, was het niet zo, dat alles durven is?
Het film zei zo. Ik dacht het zo.

Iets heeft veranderd voor mij. Ik ben blij dat het aant sneuwen is. Maar ik wil niet spelen. Ik ben blij dat nieuwe jaar komt. Maar ik voel geen "Cingle bells" mode. Deze jaar, ik voel mij wat raar. Oei, sorry, de tweede stuk van het jaar, moest ik zeggen.

Ik dacht dat ik kan mij beter uitleggen in het nederlands. Wie heeft het gezegd? Was het in mijn onderbewust? Van 2 jaar geleden.
Ik haat om te zeggen maar, Ik weet het ook niet.

Nu wil ik mijn jaar terug hebben, niet gewoon om alles terug te leven, maar om te kwijtraken van wat ik nu gevoel. Om weg te zijn van het "verdoofd" gevoel.

Alles was durven, en ik durfde, maar nog 343455345. de keer, niets gebeurd.

En was dit nu mijne voorbestemming?

....

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